Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
