I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
