I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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