My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
