did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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