You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
