He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
