barbara walters just said penis...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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