What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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