Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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