Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how drunk are you?
Several
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
