Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
