Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
