Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
