and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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