Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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