i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
