Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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