She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
