i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
