yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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