I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
