Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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