i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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