Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
