i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
