Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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