so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
