i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize