I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
