How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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