it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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