question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
