Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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