Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
