My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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