Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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