Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
