That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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