You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
