i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Semen is not good for contacts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
