My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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