Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
