so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do herpes really smell.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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