Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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