o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize