Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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