My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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