she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
