Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
