i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize