i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
