We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
