I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize