just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
