don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
