i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
