I want to have your abortion
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
