week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
