but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
