Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
