Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just had sex bonerless
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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