I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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