Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
