If that was your dad, he is hot
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
