The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
