so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
