I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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