did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
