Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize