So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
