Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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