So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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