..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
