Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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