STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
