just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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