My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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