3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
