Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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