Where did you get a picture of my penis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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