She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
