either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
