I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Floor bacon is actually really good
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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