i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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