Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there was a trapeze. enough said
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
