i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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