Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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