So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
