I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
