He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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