whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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