You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
