im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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