MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
