Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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