Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
