There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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