McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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