i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
