So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were trust falling into bushes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
