Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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