The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
