That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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