Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i believe in u and ur pee
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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